I’ve had it with every holiday being about kids, or kids and presents, or decorating for kids. I’m the happy mother of two kids whom I love and I spend a good percentage of my time doing things for them or with them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But HOLY SHIT! Can one day be about adults or adults who happen to be parents? I’m not a great fan of Valentine’s Day as an enforced day of romance, but even that’s lost to us. Why is every holiday about kids?
Our children already have nature against them when it comes to being self-centered. Experts agree that self-centeredness is a survival and evolutionary mechanism and parents have to suck it up until such time as children come out of the fog sometime in their 20s, or parents themselves sink into a fog. Do we need to make every celebratory day revolve around them too? Here’s a radical thought. How about children take part in a celebration, as other family members do, but not as the central attraction to every activity and gathering? Kids are not maypoles.
Thanksgiving = Cute turkey leg cutouts made of cardboard that somehow mask the grotesqueness of playing with cooked fowl limbs.
Valentine’s Day = Glittery heart-shaped crafts. Nothing good comes of sprinkling glitter everywhere, folks.
Easter = Presents and chocolate. Is nothing sacred? The Easter Bunny brings chocolate. End of story.
Ides of March = Caesar’s betrayal by an ally and all that, “Et tu, Brute?” business doesn’t seem kid-friendly, but I’m sure someone will make it so. A pint-sized, bloody toga, perhaps?
Are we Schrödinger’s cat, existing or not, solely contingent on if we have kids to talk about? If an adult falls in a forest does it really happen unless they’re also a parent and little Billy lost his balloon while mommy fell? I don’t know anymore. I’m losing my way amongst the glitter glue and theme lunches and laser tag birthday parties.
Enough with making everything kid-centric. Leave us something, a scrap to remind us we’re grownups with needs we’d only previously heard about in sex ed class, along with the ability to drink alcohol without having to hide in the shed.