Clicking through the news today I came across this article titled Gangs of Clowns Terrorize Drivers. What fresh hell is this I wondered and clicked on the link. LIKE AN IDIOT. Oh well, misery loves company and I hate being alone, so welcome. Let’s discuss this nightmare of clowns scaring people shall we?
It would appear that clowns are running amok scaring the bejeebus out of people from South Carolina to California and everywhere in between. Clowns, thanks to It, have been tagged in our collective psyche as scary, much like sharks were after Jaws. While this is obviously a hoax gone viral, I don’t see this ending well for someone pretending to be Pennywise.
If you were driving along a dark road and saw a clown standing on the side of the road, what would you do? I would like to think that the rational part of me would reason that it was just a stupid kid pulling a prank. I also know that’s not true.
The truth is I still try to make it up the stairs from the basement before the light goes out. I routinely make a running leap for my bed in the middle of the night in case someone is under my mattress. I also sleep with all the lights on when my husband isn’t home. Finally, despite all I know about “movie magic” I can not bring myself to watch horror movies. So how would things play out if something like this presented itself to me on a dark road?
I would likely run it over in a moment of blind panic. Which really brings me to the crux of this whole conversation.
Is it justifiable homicide if the clown scared the living crap out of you?
As I sit here and write this in my sunlit office in the middle of the day, I imagine what I would do if a clown came up to my office window. I would a) scream and b) call the police. If this same scenario played itself out at night I would a) scream and b) die on the spot from a heart attack.
So let’s imagine this nightmarish scenario:
“On the same night, another Glace Bay woman reportedly turned down a side street to avoid a person wearing a mask. When she rounded the corner, she was surrounded by as many as five clown-costumed characters in the middle of the street.”
I am amazed, FULL ON AMAZED that the headline instead didn’t read like this; Five Clowns Run Down by Car. Let’s face it, people do crazy stuff when they’re scared. What did you do the last time you walked into a spider web? Or encountered a bee in your car? The last time these things happened to me I full on freaked out. So if clowns surrounded my car, there would be a good chance I’d run them down trying to get the hell out of there.
Consider this a public service announcement to all the people out there who think this is hilarious. It’s not. Someone is going to get hurt and it’s probably going to be Chuckles.