I have a freaking lilac tree.
This news came as quite a surprise to me today, as I was sitting in my backyard doing a deep dive on my feelings. I’ve become a real free diver in this lately, letting feelings, like actual feelings wash over me. Head down, writing down attempt #99 of defining my life purpose, I was getting frustrated with the process and decided to take a break. I rebelliously left my flip-flops off to walk barefoot in the grass. Oooh, look at me getting all hippy dippy and one with the earth.
Head down, my first real thought was, “I hope there aren’t any lone star ticks in here because man how would I live without red meat?” What can I say you guys, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Sometimes you just have to observe your line of thought like a rubbernecker, asking “WTF?? This is actually where you went with this?”
But then I noticed a smell. My favourite smell actually. Lilacs, and there were little flowers in the grass and I thought “Weird, where are those coming from?” *makes mental note to scratch detective off life purpose list*
Then I looked up.
At the tree. I was standing under.
And then I laughed out loud. Literally alone, standing barefoot in my backyard, I let out a honest to goodness belly laugh.
It was a forest through the trees moment, which prompted me to ask myself, what else have I failed to observe this past year? A lot, no doubt. And I’m okay with that. This past year the earth has shook beneath our feet in ways I could not have imagined. Divorce, new home, new school, lost friends, lost family, grief, work changes, searching for purpose. These aren’t minor things, like leaving my flip flops off so recklessly.
But this tree. This tree has made me grin today because it’s a powerful reminder that I am one person, redefining a life, and it’s okay to miss a few things along the way. Let others judge you, just know you don’t have to pass judgement on yourself.
Now, I’m getting back to my list, but I promise to look up and appreciate my lilac tree while it still blooms. And to walk barefoot in the grass more often (but check for ticks after, because life without filet mignon is just not worth living).
I am right there with you. Sometimes I too feel like my head is in the clouds and still the obvious whizzes over my head. Yes, lots of changes. I have had many of the same over the past 10 years. You got this and remember to stop and smell the lilacs ??
Thank you Carolyn. I think the beauty in this is to take the time and breathe.