We all preach it: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. It’s a simple principle: treat others as you wish to be treated. But, what if we’re doing it all wrong?
At only four, my son already knows that everyone – every. single. person. – is unique. We are all our own person. Our different experiences, backgrounds and physiological make-ups are the reason we are all different and special and unique. Because no two people are truly “the same”, it also stands to reason that no two people really want to be treated the same way. Thus, The Golden Rule is actually really wrong.
Take for example, me, since I am the person I know best. I know that I enjoy being challenged – I like being tested, and picked on and I enjoy playing. I have an enormous personality, and you can drop me in almost any environment and I’ll do just fine. In fact, please do leave me to fend for myself at this big event – I want to meet people for myself. Feel free to poke fun at my ugly sweater or my gigantic rubber boots, friend, because I’ll play right back.
But not everyone feels that way. Not everyone likes a challenge. Not everyone shares the same dry sense of humour I have. And so, my “treating others as I wish to be treated” philosophy backfires when I jokingly challenge someone who is shy, or poke (harmless) fun at someone to try to break the ice when we first meet. (This either goes brilliantly or just not at all, FYI.)
Last week, I attended an HR conference. I am not an HR professional. It’s not a realm I’ve spent a lot of time in, though I have hired (and fired) in the past. The first session of the day was one that really struck a chord with me – diversity. How women face sexism in the workplace. How we don’t really know how to handle cultures that are foreign – different. How we can sometimes perceive a threat or insult or, what the speaker referred to as a hi-jacking, when there really was none.
When he mentioned that the Golden Rule is fundamentally flawed, it sparked a huge conversation and I was excited. Truly excited. Because it made sense! Why in the world would we ever think that someone who is NOTHING LIKE US would want to be treated the way we do? Outside of the basics like, you know, respect.
And, on that day in particular, it really did make sense in the strangest of ways. Because I am not an HR professional, I found myself frustrated as Human Resources humour flew around and I was treated, spoken to and marketed towards as though I was an HR professional. I didn’t always get the joke. I couldn’t really relate. It may seem like a stretch, but at the end of the day… I was being treated the way HR professionals wanted to be treated and the only reason it didn’t work? I was an outsider looking in. They’d all feel the same way at a PR conference.
Think about how you want to be treated. Talk to your kids: how do they want to be treated? What about your partner? Sister? Colleagues? We’re all different. Even if we were all the same colour, we’d all have different abilities, (dis)abilities, likes, dislikes, backgrounds, experiences and physiological makeups. Some of us are sensitive. Some are brash. Some of us like warm hugs.
Remember that those likes, dislikes, abilities, (dis)abilities, backgrounds, experiences, physiological makeups – combined with values and morals – determine how we’d like to be treated, and we have no idea what path another has walked. Treat other how they wish to be treated, and uphold the same respect for your own feelings.
End rant.
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peady
Excellent post!
What a wonderful way to look at it!
imashleymi
Thank you! Ultimately, we all want to be treated with respect and dignity but it looks so different to each of us!
Katja
Excellent! This is how we should approach ALL relationships.
Terry
Totally disagree that The Golden Rule is super wrong, as you have stated here! The Golden Rule is a passage from the bible. Read Matthew 7:12. This scripture is not labeled The Golden Rule in the bible. However, the scripture’s text has been labeled The Golden Rule through the years because of treating people as equals.
Darrenstein Bear
You’re wrong. You’re misinterpreting the Scripture to suit your own lifestyle. Read it in context with the rest of the chapter, then note the last part: “for this is the Law and the prophets.” In other words, you treat others the way you want to be treated *under the Law*. The context is that you are both submitted to the Word of God through the Written Law in the 10 Commandments and the Spoken Law from the prophets.
The Golden Rule as is gives no context as to whose authority you are submitted to. In fact, the instinct is to use oneself as a point of reference to morality, which is in fact NOT Biblical, but Luciferian, as it makes YOU God. This is why everything the writer said makes perfect sense. I hope it makes sense to you as well.
Alfredo Carranza
I read your post. I think you have trouble practicing this rule because you’re looking at it from a very direct perspective. If you think of The Golden Rule in the simplest of ways you’ll realize it’s not all about you. It’s about a greater purpose. Think about the circumstances of such meeting with a particular person and about what is unique about the person. For example, how would you like to be treated on a first encounter? I would like to feel at ease but secure. If my acquaintance is successful of releasing tension and maybe even bring forth a jovial laugh with a simple conversation, there’s a possibility of a second encounter. Therefore, I try to do this when I first encounter people. If the person feels uncomfortable during the conversation, I drop the subject and speak of something else. I try to follow The Golden Rule in the simplest of ways.
ChuckM
Yes. The golden rule IS about the basics and not the personal details you mentioned. It’s about respecting the differences of others and treating them as best you know how……..and that would be treating them AT LEAST as well as you would like to be treated. At least treat them the best you know how to do.
Rowan
It’s about being intuitive enough to others, instead of being a bull in a china shop. That type of behavior is selfish. It’s about being kind – and filtering your thoughts before they are spoken, so much more effective than acting like a clown in rubber boots.
Anyguywhocares
You are absolutely right! You want to be treated as an individual. That’s how you should treat other then. Follow the rule. https://theflossopher.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/the-golden-rule.png
C
Just as you would want to be treated. As an individual.
Michael Baird
I understand your thought process as I once was confused about the golden rule but you come to the correct principle it is all about respect and to have respect you must have empathy and more
B Dry
Yes, it’s good to know how individuals are and what works for them, but the point of the golden rule is to not be mean or hateful for no reason. These days, so many people spread mean and awful words all over the internet. The Golden rule means to think, “would I like someone saying that to me online” before posting a mean comment. You SHOULD be teaching your children to follow the Golden rule because they’re not going to be interacting with everyone at an intimate level.
Ines
I think it’s pretty obvious that the rule is about the common issues, like don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t gossip about other behind someone back , don’t hit someone, don’t murder. It’s really pretty ridiculous to me s/o would think such a general rule could possibly be about specifics. It’s obviously not, otherwise the rule would’ve gone into detail, since it doesn’t it’s safe to say it’s about the large issues all humanity agrees upon.
J
I don’t mean to reply to your post directly, I just couldn’t find the “general comment” box for some reason
J
I think this article is not only misleading but incorrect. The “Golden Rule” can be interpreted any way you personally want , but don’t ever say it’s “wrong” or “incorrect”…especially at a time when our country/the world needs this rule now more than ever. The Golden Rule in layman’s terms for those that just don’t seem to get it, isn’t so much a “what you should do” as so much as a “what you shouldn’t do”…pretty much relaying a message of, “if you wouldn’t want that done to you, then don’t do it to someone else” OR if you expect to be treated a certain way then expect TO treat others that same way. I don’t care who you are, where your from, your race, religion, gender, identity etc etc, this is one universal rule that should be followed by every human on the planet.
Kevin
This! The world would be a much better place if everyone adhered to the golden rule. Saying it’s wrong is just bonkers.
Gareth Williams
I think an important aspect of the Golden Rule is how to treat those who have hurt you and aren’t kind and considerate towards you. I see it as the positive (what-TO-do) version of what Proverbs 24:29 says
Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me;
I’ll pay them back for what they did.”
Nancy
The Golden Rule meaning is simple, just be kind.
Life is simple, as humans we have this need to complicate it.