Last week someone sent me a link to an article titled “Why French Parents are Superior”. She asked my thoughts on Twitter and it really didn’t fit in 140 characters, so here it is.
I don’t really care how the French parents are doing it. There. That’s my opinion. I also don’t give a flying fig about the Tiger Moms either. I’m not belittling the way these moms are raising their kids, although I think the Tiger mom could benefit from a martini or two, it’s just that it simply doesn’t appeal to me. I am neither French nor Asian. Culturally, I am completely unable to relate and on many points I don’t want to. I am also getting a little tired of trying to be made to feel like I’m an inadequate parent because my children make fart jokes or don’t speak four languages.
At the same time, I giggle a little when people infer that I have some parenting expertise. I suppose it’s because I put myself out there on a blog, but for the record, I am fumbling through this gig like everyone else. I have no book length wisdom to impart, just a few things I stand firmly on. But if the French and Asian moms are jumping on, why not a mom who’s head is in Pleasantville.
- Sleep is one of the most important things I can give my kids. There are way too many kids walking around like little zombies. Sleep first. Everything else second.
- I don’t care if my children become world-class athletes. I only care that they make the connection between a fit body and a long life. I have a special contempt for “those” parents who are jerks from the cheering stands and push their kids down paths they don’t want to take. You know who you are.
- If it’s their dream, I’ll help them chase it. Unless, it’s fame. I won’t help them chase fame. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies.
- I absolutely refuse to beat my children over the head with homework. Yes, it’s important, but so is balance. You may insist your little rocket scientist spend hours outside of school solving equations, but are they happy? Emotional IQ rules the roost.
- Just because I don’t chase after my kids with books, doesn’t mean they get to strive for mediocre. You want something, work for it.
- Screen time is very limited. It’s not a daily amount because it varies. But some days there can be a couple of hours and then none for a couple of days after that. Screen time includes all iThings, computers or television. I remember what life was like before technology ruled the world. I want my children to have a firm grip on that feeling too, so they know what it means to be truly disconnected. This is a crucial life skill to teach your children. Too many people will not know how to do this in the future.
- I love my children unconditionally. It is for this reason that they have chores, that I don’t do everything for them and that they have their own money to spend. I’d rather they learn how to do these things now, under the safety of my roof, than watch them flounder as young adults. Plus, I want them to move out someday.
- You know when I’m most proud of my kids? When they can crack a joke in a bad situation. Life is infinitely better when you have a sense a humour. I try hard to make sure my kids have one.
- I think sleepovers, summer camps and playing loud music with your girlfriends in your room is the good stuff. I encourage it at every turn.
- I am a flawed being, raising flawed little beings. To expect perfection is ludicrous and stress-inducing.
- Mommy needs a break. Sometimes their whiny, little voices make me want to drink, vats and vats of alcohol. No shame in admitting it. It’s when we suffer in silence that true damage happens. When my kids are driving me nuts, I tell them. I also get away from them.
So, if you want, go buy a book about Tiger moms or French parenting and try to be something you are not. OR, take a few minutes and write down your own parenting manifesto. Put down what you know for certain, then step back and take a look. Chances are you’re doing a damn good job mom.
Pleasantville Candied Popcorn
Kat
Sentence for sentence, word for word, this is how we strive to raise our kids. And then when we screw up we reign ourselves back in, stop beating ourselves up and have another go at it.
I love this!
Lianne Bergeron
Spoken like a true great mother!
Cherie-Lynn
I love you! that is all. so well said!
Tracy P
My thoughts…that put so very eloquently. I might add “teaching my kids good nutrition by exposing them to all kinds of flavours and textures with the occasional sampling of junk food (thinking of how the taste of cotton candy summons memories of my childhood) Moms universally are all trying to do our best and I think the whole Mommy Olympics just needs to stop. It’s a total waste of time.
Candace
No kidding. I’m tired of feeling as if I’m under a microscope. I only have two people I’m ultimately accountable to. That’s all that matters.
Candace
Eeek. The jury is still out on the “great” thing. I’ll let you know what they come back with in 20 years or so 😉 Thank you.
Candace
Thank you CL 🙂
Candace
Mommy Olympics! Love it. Seriously, why are we competing? Who made this a sport?
Catherine
You summed up my point of view SO perfectly that I think we must be soul mates! Thanks for posting.
Candace
Thanks Catherine! Always need more soul mates 😉
Beatrice
I loved reading this. I read both articles the other day and was quite surprised by some of the things they were saying. I loved your article and your principles are awesome. Thanks for this great article.
Stacey
Yes..brilliant.
Candace
Thanks for your kind words Beatrice 🙂
Candace
Ha, if I were brilliant I’d get them to stop arguing with me 😉 Thanks Stacey
Amber
BEST BEST BESt blog post I have read in a looooong time! Great work and btw I agree!!!
Kara
Its all about perspective and priorities. If you have those in check, the rest just falls in place. Maybe not neat and orderly, but in place.
Candace
Thank you 🙂
Candace
You are sooo right. Perspective is the best thing a person can possess.
Louise
Even though this is absolutely hilarious and has humour stamped all over it, the truths you’ve written had me in tears. Thank you for writing/sharing with such great perspective. I appreciate and respect your philosophies and strive (oh how I strive) to achieve them. Most days, I feel like I’m doing a fine job. I only felt slightly defeated sending my seven-year-old son into school last week with his self-made 3D structure (that he designed and engineered on HIS OWN) beside the classmate whose mother was carrying a towering re-creation of HOGWART’s (freaking) CASTLE…is she really trying to convince people that thing rose out of her recycling bin like it was supposed to? And then I noticed that my son’s beaming face didn’t falter…he loved his robot made from toilet paper rolls and gosh, so did I.
Nancy
Well said! I read that article, “Why French Parents are Superior,” and it brought to mind similar thoughts about my parenting. Good for you for putting it out there in your own manifesto. And great idea!
Tweepwife
I am past all the early parenting parts and often tell my hubby I’m glad I made it before social media – the pressure for mothers is so INTENSE now. I loved my kids, had a Champagne Parenting Manifesto in my head, and stuck with it. So far the two humans we have raised to be almost 17 and 19 are looking pretty good. There are lots of ways to raise children, not one way, and kids are resilient. But anxious parenting brought on
by constant comparisons cannot create healthy mothers or healthy family dynamics. Congratulations on putting your manifesto out there and owning it. Your kids will benefit and so will you! Way to go mama!
Candace
Mary, I was just talking about that very thing the other day with a friend over lunch!! Thank goodness, I didn’t have all the pressure social media can bring to being a parent. While it certainly has it’s up side for pushing away feelings of isolation and creating community, I think I would have felt like a pinball. Must write about this 🙂 Thank you for your kind words as well. I don’t for two seconds claim that I am doing a better/worse job than anyone else, just the best I can do for me and my girls. I’m happy with that.
Candace
Thank you Nancy. It’s a tough gig being a parent these days, the comparisons and contrasts are endless. I think it doesn’t do any harm for anyone to explore what they truly value.
Candace
Louise, you have no idea how much I loved hearing this story!! Good for you for not turning into A-type Mom and basically doing your child’s work for them. I have no doubt that many, many parents do that. In the end, what did those kids learn though? You did your son a great service and he’s better off because you stand true to your own compass.
Kerrie @ Family Food and Travel
LOVE this! What a beautiful post and a touching tribute to your family, your parenting and your values.
Candace
Thank you Kerrie, that’s so nice to hear 🙂