Ok, occasionally the very worst thing that you can imagine, happens. The important thing to remember at a time like this is not to panic. A good emergency plan will never fail you. Here then is the plan to get you through when….
Twitter goes down.
Step 1: Do not call 911. Despite the very real feelings of panic you are having, this has not been recognized as an official disaster…yet.
Step 2: Immediately go to Facebook and update your status to read that Twitter is down. It helps create a feeling of community among those who are also feeling lost.
Step 3: Grab your emergency preparedness kit. This should be stocked with chips, chocolate, wine and books. Time to get old school.
Step 4: Stop thinking in tweets. It will do you no good to think “Just grabbed my emergency kit. OMG chocolate rocks. FTW. #twittersdown”. NO ONE CAN READ IT. Harsh.
Step 5: Find your family in the pre-arranged meeting location. Let them know you’re ok. They’ll be confused. You need to reassure them that it’s only because Twitter is down that you are joining them.
Step 6: Check your ID. You may feel disoriented without the @ in front of your name.
Step 7: Pick up the phone. Call a friend and talk to them. It will seem halted and awkward at first, but with time, you’ll remember that this is what you used to do. Just like riding a bike. Don’t be afraid.
Step 8: Go to Pinterest. Try to forget that you saw a naked lady doing a headstand in a field, breastfeeding. Actually, it can’t be unseen. Take a swig of wine.
Step 9: You may experience twitching in your fingers. This is just phantom tweeting pains. Try to text someone to alleviate the symptoms.
Step 10: Refresh Twitter. If it’s up, resume tweeting. Don’t forget to double tweet to make up for lost time. If it’s still down. Breathe. Check emergency provisions.